Dog jokes

What has four legs and one arm?
A happy Pitbull.



It was a slow day in heaven so God phoned Satan to see what was going on down there.

"It's slow here, too", said Satan

"Well," God said, "I think a dog show might be fun."

"Sounds good," says Satan, "But why are you calling me? You've got all the dogs up there."

"I know," answered God, "But you've got all the judges."


A well dressed dog enters and gracefully saddles up to the bar.

The Bartender asks "Whaddaya have?" The dog replies "Oh! Yes... I believe I'll have a scotch and toilet water..."


There was a hound dog laying in the yard. An old man in overalls was sitting on the porch.
"Excuse me, Sir, but does your dog bite?", the tourist asked. The old man replied, "Nope."

So the tourist stepped out of his car. The dog ran over snarling and growling and bit him on his arms and legs. As the dog was dragging him away the tourist was flailing around in the dust and yelled, "I thought you said your dog didn't bit!"

The old man replied, "Ain't my dog."


A man walked into a bar and immediately called out, "Who is the owner of that Saint Bernard tied up outside?"

A man replied, "It's mine. Why do you ask?"

The first man walked up to him and said, "I'm sorry, but my dog just killed your dog."

The owner of the Saint Bernard was shocked, "Are you kidding me?! That dog is huge! He's bigger than my car!"

The first guy explained, "Well, he choked on my Chihuahua.